Creative Correction

I was listening to a radio program yesterday and they were talking about Creative Correction. I thought, what a great post that would be!

Disciplining a RAD child can be difficult. Rewards and sticker charts do not work. These children are manipulative. They already feel entitled, and feeding that will set their healing back. Trust me, when I first started dealing with RAD kiddos, I did all those things; just like I did with my biological children. What would inevitably happen is, the child would be good for the day, get the reward, and then misbehave. I would be left kicking myself for falling for it again. In school, this child would be told she could go to the party/class trip/play outside if she would behave in the morning. When I would pick her up after school, I would hear that she had tantrum because she couldn't have more candy, or have soda, or play with the toy she wanted to play with.

My newest little RADish isn't so lucky. She was forgetting her homework, EVERY day. The only consequence for this was she had to do the homework at the beginning of the recess, and then she could go out. Then, while my other kids were doing homework at night, she was playing and bothering them. I went to school and asked her teacher if she would make her stay in ALL recess if she forgets her homework. This has not totally stopped her "forgetfulness", but it has helped.

Timeouts also do not usually work. I say "usually" because I sometimes DO use them, but only to get a break. RADishes use timeouts as a time to spew hateful things at you. One of Song's rants began with, "I wish I was a rat, cause then I would come in your room and scare you..." When I did not react, of course it got meaner. When I give the timeout, I thank them for my time off, and I go listen to music, watch tv. If they get louder, I turn it up. Headphones will also work to protect your ears from their hateful words.

Early on, I had to come up with my own ideas on correcting annoying/inappropriate behavior.

The first thing I would have them do is play quietly NEAR me when they misbehave. Bringing them closer, even if they have been bad helps the bonding, although it can leave you feeling overwhelmed sometimes. I then started putting them at "zero". This means they can play with coloring books, crayons, books, games and puzzles. There are times when Song has been so reactive I have had to START her at zero for the day, and let her earn privileges as the day went on.

I had a psychiatrist tell me one time that she should start the day with all of her toys/things. If she misbehaved, take it away and give it back the very next morning! I disagreed, telling him I felt this would start a pattern of her misbehaving when she feels like it, knowing she would get all her stuff back the next day anyway. I did not take his advice, I give it back slowly when she loses things. NOT everything at once.

I also use alot of natural consequences, especially with my littlest one. Last week she forgot her school bag when I took her to school. She demanded that I go home and get it. She started crying and screaming. I walked her into her classroom. and explained to her teacher that Pixie is a little mad at me right now because I refused to go home and get her school bag. I knew it would mean she would lose recess, as per my previous agreement with her teacher. I love her teacher this year! She thanked me for not going home to get it, and told me to have a wonderful day! :) I win again!! :)

Nonsense chatter in the car can make you crazy. I have a "no talking in the car rule" that I invoke when they start. If it was just one RAD child, you might be able to cope with it. I have 2 diagnosed, and 1 suspected.

My last bit of advice would be not to clutter their rooms. Song has her bed, dresser, and a few books in her room. What I don't want to do is have her room full of toys. When she gets sent there for misbehaving or sent to bed early, I want her to have nothing to do, except go to bed. (I know she will not use the time to think about what she did wrong (she usually uses it to stomp on the floor), but the quiet time usually calms her down, and gives me a breather.

:)