What Does Trauma Look Like?

Children of trauma are often more sexualized than children from healthy homes. This can display itself in so many ways. The question is, how do you know if it's healthy little girl play, or a sign that more work needs to be done on boundaries and appropriate behavior?

After 6 years of working with children of trauma, I can tell you some of the signs are so vague that you have to trust your feelings.

I remember as a child playing with my sister that we would grow up, get married, have children, and live near each other. As I look back at my own play, I can tell you that the play was centered more on relationships that on the sex act or being pregnant.

Children of trauma will obsessively look at pictures of babies, be so preoccupied if they see a baby that they will zone out, and will play that they are pregnant by putting teddy bears or dolls in their clothing. They will often masturbate at a much younger age. Girls of trauma, especially sexual abuse, will urinate themselves and often mark their rooms with the urine. While these behaviors can be trying, you have to realize that it is not something they are doing on purpose to destroy your home or "push your buttons".

We have a rule in our home, if you make the mess/smell you clean it up. We have plastic on the mattresses and a special basket in our laundry room where wet clothing goes. Wet beds are sprayed and wiped down. If you wet yourself during the day, you must shower and change. It is not fair to subject the others in the home to the smell. If I have a wetter in the car, I will put a towel on the seat. The children in our home have assigned seats at the dining table so all of the chairs are not "marked".

Children of sexual abuse will not want to shower. They will not wash their hair or brush their teeth. You will know when they are starting to heal when the shampoo and body wash in their bathroom needs to be replaced frequently. I buy body wash at the Dollar Store. It's inexpensive and can be purchased in strong scents.

Girls may also refuse to wear a pad when menstruating,staining their underwear. I had one young lady who needed new underwear every 3 months because they would be so stained.

****Children of sexual abuse are at a higher risk for promiscuous behavior, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, and eating disorders.